I've touched on this briefly in a few past entries, but I wanted to elaborate on it a bit more in a full entry. I am very lucky in that I already had friends and relatives in Japan to warmly welcome me when I first arrived here. I'm also lucky in that I've been able to make a number of new friends during my past year and three months here. I was super shy all throughout high school, and slightly less so during and after college. My experiences in this country have taught me to go beyond my comfort zone in order to meet new people and cope with loneliness. But above anything else, Japan has taught me the importance of solitude and being able to live by myself.
A friend of mine who lived here for about four years before moving elsewhere told me that he came to Japan in order to learn how to live on his own. Unlike me, he didn't have a strong interest in the Japanese culture or language prior to moving here, and he gave up studying the language quite early on. Yet he was still able to get by in his own way, and I think a big reason is that he succeeded in his goal of learning to live by himself. Last year, when my homesickness was in full bloom, I was not yet used to being physically and mentally on my own. I was afraid of going out by myself just to run necessary errands or do fun things I'd usually enjoy, and being cooped inside my tiny apartment was more unbearable. Even when I hung out with friends, I felt unfocused and detached from them, and I hated myself for feeling so negative and depressed all the time. But some time after summer vacation ended and work started up again, I made a full turnaround. I'm not sure if there was a specific trigger, but I haven't felt afraid of being alone since then. In fact, I enjoy doing a lot of things by myself now, and prior to celebrating my 26th birthday with friends back in April, I went to Tokyo and hung out with myself, haha. I think it's actually quite common for people to do things by themselves rather with friends, so perhaps it's a part of the culture that I've absorbed over time. I wonder if I'll continue living like this whenever I move back to the States...
