Part Deux

I've been back in California for over a month now, and even though my several trips home over the years may have lessened my reverse culture shock this time around, it's still a bit unreal to be back. My suitcase and boxes are not even close to being unpacked, and I have so much sorting and throwing out to do in my old room to make space for everything I brought back with me that the mere thought has been overwhelming me. I think a part of me also doesn't really want to face the reality that my life in Japan has ended. I find myself already yearning for the simple life I had over there.

Before coming back, I traveled throughout Asia for the month of April. It was really interesting to see how similar and different the four countries I visited were compared to Japan, and it got me excited into traveling again sometime soon. It also reinforced the Japanisms I gained and Americanisms I lost during my life in Japan, and I thought I'd add to the list I made previously since I thought of a few more.

4) Silence is golden
I never liked small talk, especially with strangers I'll never meet again. If you're just starting to get to know someone, especially with the intention of dating that person, small talk is an unfortunate and awkward stage that I'm always super glad to get over with. But talking to random people in the street or even store clerks and salespeople I've always found super vexsome. Does my waitress really care how my day is going? I doubt it. Yeah, we've had nice weather recently, random old man...I have eyes, you know. I like my shoes too, overly friendly lady next to me on the bus...that's why I bought them. Maybe it's because of my Asian appearance that I rarely got talked to by strangers in the street in Japan, (my more "foreign-looking" foreign friends would complain about getting random English words thrown at them) but I feel like I got way too used to people respecting my personal bubble while in public. Once, and only once, the cashier at a convenience store I would frequent commented on my unusual coin purse, and it threw me so off guard that I nearly didn't know how to respond. Now that I'm back in the U.S., I get bombarded with comments and questions constantly by strangers everywhere, and it drives me bonkers. I have my earphones in for a reason, guys!

5) There's a time and a place for everything
My students in Japan would often ask me if people in America really are "free." I would always respond in the affirmative, and luckily I was never asked why. I wouldn't have known how to answer why myself. But after spending time in both countries, I think I finally have the answer. Japan has a cultural phenomenon called honne and tatemae. People have facades that they put on while in public and a "true self" that exists in their private lives. It is not unique to Japan, however I don't think there are singular words to describe this in any other language besides Japanese. Those who know me know that I'm goofy and like to joke around and laugh. The person I present in the workplace, however, is pretty serious and hardworking. As a teacher, of course I have a "professional" playful side, but that's reserved especially for the classroom. People in Japan often go to nomikai, literally drinking parties, with their co-workers, and there are many throughout the year that are more official and held to celebrate something important. The ones I went to with my schools showed a side of my co-workers I had never seen before. I mean, a bit of their inner personalities would show through at work, but they tended to let all loose after a few sips of beer. Elsewhere in the world, everyone has a sense of professionalism in the workplace, but I feel it's a lot freer. The bus driver of the bus I was on the other day was munching on strawberries while driving. Store clerks in Bangkok were visibly napping or playing with their cellphones when the number of customers went down. The ticket vendor in Shanghai rolled her eyes and sighed at my friend and I when we asked her to recharge our subway cards. Geez fellas...aren't you getting paid to do your job right?

6) Tipping is not a city in China Japan
I worked at a coffee shop for two years and loved getting tips. Working there made me more aware of the importance of tipping in the service industry, especially if you received particularly outstanding service. This practice is virtually nonexistent in Japan, and the only exception I ever witnessed was at Cold Stone Creamery, where the workers still sing to you if you throw a little something in the tip jar. Omotenashi has kind of killed my expectations of service and hospitality in the U.S. Customer service workers treat you like a god in Japan, even without expecting a monetary reward in return. To get the special treatment here, however, a tip is supposed to take you a long way. But that's not even always the case! Gratuity is tacked on at most restaurants if you go with a large group, which is totally understandable, but if your service is crap, you can't get out of it. Even if you don't have a large group and get bad service, you are still expected to leave a little something. I get that the practice started because waiters and other service workers once didn't earn enough to support themselves, but now in the 21st century, people should be paid the proper amount for the work that they do and always treat you the way they want to be treated.

My new-old life back in the States is just beginning, so maybe I'll think differently down the road. I'd still like to think that whatever mannerisms I picked up across the sea have changed me for the better.

Turning Japanese?

There was an interesting article I read a while back written by an American girl about American habits she lost when she moved to Germany. There are other similar articles on the same site including one by another girl who lost certain Americanisms while in Japan, but I honestly thought they were poorly written and not as interesting as the Germany one :P The time I've spent living in Japan is relatively short and already coming to an end in a little over a month now (eep!) but I thought I'd try my hand at writing something similar.

1) Good things come to those who wait
A friend once joked that the national pastime in Japan in waiting in line. While he said it mostly in jest, what makes it even funnier is that it's basically true. Obviously you have to line up and wait your turn for a lot of things here just like everywhere else, but it really seems as if the Japanese people actually like doing it. They spot a line and are drawn to it like moths to a flame. Maybe it's reflective of the herd mentality ingrained in the culture here. "The nail that sticks out gets hammered down," is a well-known Japanese proverb that I think represents how uniformity and doing what everyone else around you is doing is valuable in this country. Chicago's famous Garrett Popcorn has a shop in Harajuku and every time I'm there, the line is ridiiiiculously long. And it grows even longer the longer it grows. All that for popcorn? Well, I suppose if you want something enough, what's a 3-hour wait gonna hurt? I have to admit that even before coming to Japan I've lined up 9+ hours in advance for my favorite band to secure a front row spot, and as a hardcore fan it was totally worth it. But now after living here for several years, lining up for banal things or just for the hell of it doesn't bother me so much anymore. Heck, the same friend mentioned earlier and I went to a concert last year and we lined up in some random food line just to kill some time before the show. We ended up not buying anything in the end even after getting to the front, haha.

2) The naked truth
Back in the States, I always changed clothes in the shower stalls at the gym. In college when I had roommates, I'd make sure to change in privacy too. Being in my underwear in front of other people wasn't an issue, but being buck naked was. It made me feel shameful, vulnerable, and defenseless. But after being in Japan, I've grown a lot more comfortable being in my birthday suit among other people, including strangers and friends. I've been to several public bathhouses and onsen, both of which require no clothing. It's considered extremely rude to wear a swimsuit in either, unless it's a co-ed one. That said, I still don't think I'd be fully comfortable in a completely nude, co-ed bathhouse or spa. I didn't even bother stepping foot in the "clothing optional" section of a spa I went to in San Francisco over winter break. But I feel I could easily do First Rain at my alma mater now.

3) Fatigue is the best pillow
I love sleep. I would marry my bed if I could. I used to sleep for 12 or more hours when I was a teenager (I blame hormones and teen angst). While my sleeping patterns have improved immensely over the years, thanks to my time in Japan, I've acquired the superpower of being able to sleep just about anywhere. Kitchen floor the only space open at a friend's house after a party? No problem. Worn out from all night karaoke even though your buddies are still going strong at 3AM? Not an issue. Train packed to the brim with barely enough room to stand? The passengers around you will prevent you from falling over. Ooh, you grabbed a seat? The lady's shoulder next to you will make an excellent cushion! Japanese people have this amazing ability to make any place their bed. I've seen so many drunk business men knocked out on park benches or even sidewalks. Teachers at my schools take naps at their desks in the staff room with absolutely no shame. My own personal favorite bed-away-from-my-real-bed is the train. There's just something very comforting about the gentle rocking motion as it moves from station to station. Maybe it's a bit like being back in the womb. I almost always pass out upon grabbing a seat. The only unfortunate drawback to my superpower is that I still cannot for the life of me sleep on a damn airplane.

There are plenty more "habits" I've developed and lost while here, so perhaps I'll write a follow-up post later on. Thanks for stopping by!

It's just time to say goodbye

I've thought about it long and hard, and after four years in Japan, I've decided to head back to the States this upcoming April. I've had a few hardships here and there, but overall my life here is very happy and comfortable. I feel that it's just time to say goodbye. Although I really enjoy my job, I can't be an ALT forever. It's more of a part-time job than it is a profession, and I will never get a salary raise or advance to a higher position if I continue to stick with it. That's the sad reality of the situation. I've met veteran ALTs who have been in this country for much longer than I have, and the majority of them are extremely jaded and fed up with their lives. That's not who I want to become. I want to leave Japan loving it as much as I did when I first got here so I can look back on my memories fondly and look forward to visiting again someday.

So what's my plan now? For the longest time, I thought I was going to become a graphic designer. Art has been a huge part of my life ever since I was a kid, and my B.A. is even in photography. I had planned to go back to grad school for graphic design after spending a few years in Japan, but thinking about making art for people, having to change things to suit their preferences, and sitting in front of a computer screen all day made me realize that I can't do it. I thought about studying translation and becoming a Japanese-English translator, but that was never my strong point when I took Japanese classes, plus I find no pleasure in doing it. And since I grew to love teaching so much, I thought about earning a teacher's license to teach elementary students, but as much as I love kids, I can't be around them all day long and I'm no good at math, science, and history.

I'm going to go back to school to study TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages). I discovered recently that it's not just teaching, but it's teaching English that I really love. However, I have no background in syntax or linguistics, so it's always difficult for me to answer structure or grammar-related questions that my students have. My teaching methods have been praised quite often even with no official training or license, but I feel that I have a lot of growing to do as an English teacher that I won't be able to do as an ALT in Japan. There are several schools I'm looking into at the moment, so I will spend about a year living at home in California to finish up my applications, work part-time, and reconnect with my family and friends in the Golden State before going back to school. After I graduate, I want to work at a community college or university in Hawaii and teach English to primarily Japanese students. And if I miss it enough, maybe I'll even come back to live in Japan again.

Thank you for accepting me and helping me become a better person. Thank you for bringing me amazing friends, food, and experiences. Thank you for being constantly weird and quirky and always surprising me in new ways. It makes me so sad when I think that my time with you is finally coming to an end, but it's not sayonara forever. I'll be back, and I can't wait to be reunited with you again.

Homegoing

I've always been a pensive person and I constantly have all sorts of thoughts running through my mind. Maybe that's how I found blogging so therapeutic back when I was younger...it helped me to sort out the clutter in my brain, in a way. I kind of wish I still had the time and motivation to write more regularly nowadays.

So I've officially been in Japan for three years now. I touched on this subject briefly before, but it feels like it's been much longer. I think it's because I've found my niche here. I love my job and the city where I live. I have an awesome group of friends out here, and wonderful, supportive relatives only a train ride away. And while I'll always be the same person deep down, I've done a lot of growing up, especially in a psychological sense.

It was weird going back to California in December. It will always be my home, but it was a strange feeling being somewhere so familiar yet so foreign. Everything was the same, but everything was different. I can't really explain it. Overall though, I was happy to be back, even if it was just for two weeks. I was able to see most of the people I had hoped to see, and go to most of the places I had planned to go. I barely had enough time to properly sleep at night, I was so busy running around and having fun.

However, there were so many small things I had forgotten about since I don't experience them on a daily basis here in Japan. There is litter everywhere you go in America, even with trashcans on every corner. Public transportation is smelly and full of crazy people. American food, even the "ethnic" stuff, is greasy and super salty or sugary. Americans really are friendly and loud; I don't think it's a stereotype. And everything is so....big.

I don't mean to sound like I'm putting down America because that's not my intention at all. I love my country and am proud to be an American. I just think it's interesting how the place that's supposed to my home was almost like an alien planet, and I was a visitor just passing by.

I'm not sure when I'll next visit, but when I do, hopefully this reverse culture shock won't be as strong. One thing's for sure though: I don't think I can live in California again.

A wild blog post appears!

Uhhh...'sup, Internet. Long time, no blog. Nearly two years, actually ^w^; It's funny...back in my late high school and college days, I could barely go a day without blogging, even if it were about trivial day-to-day banalities. I definitely think our modern social media has had an impact on my already short attention span, but I also think a part of me has grown out of the joy I used to find in writing down my daily activities. A little sad, but meh, people do grow out of things. C'est la vie.

So what's been up with me over the past year and seven months? Not much, honestly. I'm still in Iruma, still enjoying my time in Japan, LOVING teaching...don't have too many complaints about life right now. Actually though, I've recently come down with the flu, so according to the doctor's orders, I can't go to work for the week. I'm definitely over being cooped up in my house and it's only Tuesday...but at least it's given me an excuse to revive this ol' thang ;P

My three year anniversary in Japan in coming up in March. It's hard to believe I've been here this long already! I can't say that it feels like I just arrived yesterday though...in fact, it almost feels like I've been here longer. While I'm not completely "turned Japanese" (and that will never ever happen...I'll make sure of it, haha), I'm without a doubt in the mastery stage of culture shock. I am still constantly struggling with the Japanese language, but my proficiency is constantly improving. As a matter of fact, I took Level 2 of the Japanese Language Proficiency Test (JLPT) back in December and got notice a few weeks back that I passed! \(^O^)/ I'm planning to take Level 1 in July, but I gotta work my ass off for that one; apparently even native Japanese have trouble passing it.

This past winter break, I was very lucky and got to go back California for the first time in two years. I had spent Christmas 2012 in Japan, and while I was super fortunate to have had wonderful, amazing friends to celebrate it with, nothing beats being home for the holidays. I honestly had the best trip I could have ever wished for...everything was perfect and it was like a dream come true! It made me feel extremely happy and loved to know that I have warm, welcoming arms waiting for me back at home. At the same time, it was extremely strange experiencing reverse culture shock. America's weird, man o_O;

But that'll all wait for another post. Hopefully. See you soon, but no promises :P

Solitude

I've touched on this briefly in a few past entries, but I wanted to elaborate on it a bit more in a full entry. I am very lucky in that I already had friends and relatives in Japan to warmly welcome me when I first arrived here. I'm also lucky in that I've been able to make a number of new friends during my past year and three months here. I was super shy all throughout high school, and slightly less so during and after college. My experiences in this country have taught me to go beyond my comfort zone in order to meet new people and cope with loneliness. But above anything else, Japan has taught me the importance of solitude and being able to live by myself.

A friend of mine who lived here for about four years before moving elsewhere told me that he came to Japan in order to learn how to live on his own. Unlike me, he didn't have a strong interest in the Japanese culture or language prior to moving here, and he gave up studying the language quite early on. Yet he was still able to get by in his own way, and I think a big reason is that he succeeded in his goal of learning to live by himself. Last year, when my homesickness was in full bloom, I was not yet used to being physically and mentally on my own. I was afraid of going out by myself just to run necessary errands or do fun things I'd usually enjoy, and being cooped inside my tiny apartment was more unbearable. Even when I hung out with friends, I felt unfocused and detached from them, and I hated myself for feeling so negative and depressed all the time. But some time after summer vacation ended and work started up again, I made a full turnaround. I'm not sure if there was a specific trigger, but I haven't felt afraid of being alone since then. In fact, I enjoy doing a lot of things by myself now, and prior to celebrating my 26th birthday with friends back in April, I went to Tokyo and hung out with myself, haha. I think it's actually quite common for people to do things by themselves rather with friends, so perhaps it's a part of the culture that I've absorbed over time. I wonder if I'll continue living like this whenever I move back to the States...

New beginnings

It's about damn time I updated this silly thing, isn't it? A lot has happened in the five months since I last posted. I went home for winter break and had a fantastic time seeing my family and friends. I started a list of long-term "goals" (NOT resolutions XP) at the start of the new year and have been making decent progress with it. And I moved from Kumagaya to Iruma about two weeks ago.

I really wanted to stay at my schools in Kumagaya since I felt that I had finally gotten used to everything, but unfortunately something happened with the contracts for the ALTs, so I had the choice of either staying and commuting to a nearby city, or moving altogether. I chose the latter option since a number of my friends decided to move too. It turns out that several teachers that I was relatively close to at the main junior high where I taught were going to be changing schools anyway, and I felt that the new school year wouldn't be the same without them.

Iruma is directly south of Kumagaya and much smaller in size. Since most of my friends from college teach in this city and it's only about 40 minutes to where my relatives live in Tokyo, I figured it would be a much easier adjustment than last year. Also, since I now have a year of teaching experience behind me, I know what to expect and how to go about planning lessons and such. This school year however, instead of going to just one small elementary school once a week, I'm going to three pretty big elementary schools all week long! Upon hearing about my new assignment, I was admittedly nervous. Unlike junior high, elementary school ALTs are generally expected to be the main teachers in the English classes since the Japanese teachers won't necessarily hold English teaching licenses or even speak the language. I was spoiled last year in that the homeroom teachers of both my 5th and 6th grade classes usually took the lead, and the only class I would have to plan and do mostly on my own with the homeroom teacher's assistance was my special ed class. However, teaching that class was what I looked forward to the most during the week. I loved the freedom of choosing what I got to teach, and the kids, even if they couldn't remember everything we would do in class, were absolutely adorable and super eager about my lessons. I have to plan the lessons and lead the classes at two of my schools this year, but so far it's been going well. The kids are bright and attentive, and they seem to like what we've been doing in class. The homeroom teachers have also said that they've been enjoying class, so I guess I'm doing something right! Elementary school does take up a lot of energy though, so I've been taking really long naps almost everyday after returning home, haha. Hopefully I'll get used to this crazy schedule soon.

I do miss Kumagaya, and packing up to move was a bit painful since I knew that I'd be leaving my very first home in Japan. But I do have a good feeling overall about this new start in my life, and have been enjoying life in Iruma a lot so far. And it's really nice knowing that I'm no longer in the hottest city in Japan! We'll see how I feel once summer gets here and the teachers' room isn't constantly air conditioned though ;)